DEALING WITH LOVE SERIES BONUS EPILOGUE
“Welcome to your new home, Emily.” My beautiful wife coos as we walk inside our house with our newborn in tow.
I grab the infant carrier from her. “Go sit down, babe. I’ve got this.”
She places a kiss on my lips. “I love you.”
I smile and repeat the sentiment.
I’ll never forget the day Devyn told me she was pregnant. She stopped taking her birth control immediately after our wedding, hoping to get pregnant as soon as possible. After four months of trying, and I do mean really trying, we were starting to get discouraged. Nate was already in kindergarten, so we wanted another child as soon as possible before the age gap between them got any wider. When that magical plus sign showed up, I’ll admit, I shed more than a few tears. Mostly out of happiness, but also because it made me feel awful that I wasn’t there the first time Devyn held a positive pregnancy test in her hand.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think about what a lucky son of a bitch that I am. I made sure that Devyn didn’t want for anything during this pregnancy. Holding her hair back when she couldn’t stop vomiting, nightly foot rubs, trips to the grocery store in the middle of the night to feed her weird ass cravings—I did whatever I could to ensure she knew how grateful I was that she gave me a second chance.
“Nathan, they’re home!” my mom calls.
I set the car seat down and begin unbuckling my precious little girl. “Hey, Mom.”
She motions for me to pass the baby over once she’s out of her restraints. “Give me my new grandbaby.”
I laugh as she gushes over my daughter. “Where’s Nathan?”
She jerks her head toward the staircase. “Upstairs playing with your father.”
Before she even finishes her sentence, Nate’s bounding down the stairs. “Daddy!”
I pull him into my arms. “Hey, buddy. Have you been a good boy for Grandma and Grandpa?”
He nods furiously. “Uh huh. ‘Cept when I kicked Grandpa in the nads.”
I bite my tongue to conceal my laughter. “What?”
Nate hangs his head. “I didn’t mean to. It was an ax-ma-dent.”
Deyyn takes the baby from my mom. “Come here and meet your sister, honey.”
Nate carefully approaches the couch, scrunching his little eyebrows. “Why’s she so small?”
Devyn chuckles. “All babies are small, sweetheart.”
“Can she play Legos with me?” he asks.
I mess up his hair. “No, dude, she won’t be able to play Legos with you for several years.”
He frowns. “Can she play cars?”
Devyn smiles. “No, honey, not yet.”
Nathan thinks about that for a few moments. “Well, what good is she, then?”
All of the adults in the room laugh, including my father who has now joined us.
Devyn pats the couch cushion beside her. “You’ll have plenty of time to play with her when she gets a little bigger. For now, you just have to give her lots of love and snuggles. Do you think you can do that?”
His lips twist in concentration. “Okay, Momma.”
I kneel in front of him. “Do you want to hold her?”
His eyes widen. “Can I?”
I nod. “Sure, buddy. Just hold your arms out and be real still.”
I move his arms in the right position and place the baby on his lap, being careful to support her neck. “Good job, dude.”
He smiles wide, showcasing his missing tooth on the bottom row. “I’m doing it!”
Devyn rubs his back. “You are, sweetie.”
Nathan squeals when Emily passes gas. “Ew, she farted on me!”
Within seconds, a putrid smell wafts through the air, telling me she did more than that. I pull her into my arms. “I think she needs a new diaper, bud.”
Devyn moves to get off the couch, but I tell her to stay put.
Nathan giggles. “Did she poop?”
I laugh. “She sure did. Come on, little man, let’s go change her.”
He follows me up the stairs into Emily’s new bedroom. I place her on the changing table, strap her in, and ready the necessary supplies. Right before I pull the tabs open, my wife steps into the room.
“Are you sure you’ve got this covered?” she asks.
I wave her off. “I haven’t been practicing on the Poopsy Twins for nothing.”
Devyn laughs. “Man, you’re not kidding. All babies poop a lot, but those two take it to a new level.”
Never really having a chance to be around babies before, I felt a little practice was in order before Emily was born. Thankfully, my best friend had twins six months ago, and they need to be changed practically every hour. Brody is more than happy to share the diaper duty when we’re all together.
I open Emily’s diaper and immediately gag. “Dear God, how did so much come out of such a little thing?”
Nathan’s giggling the entire time as I wipe her clean. Just as I’m sliding a fresh diaper underneath, liquid shit starts flying straight out of her. I quickly fold the diaper over, so it doesn't hit the wall.
I look at my wife in shock. "What the hell? I didn't sign up for projectile poop!"
“Ew, Daddy, she’s poopin’ on your hand!” Nathan says.
I look down, and sure enough, we have a full blowout situation on our hands. Or on my hands. “Ugh.”
“Daddy has poop on him!” Nathan shouts as he runs around the room. “Daddy’s a poopy head!”
Devyn's trying really hard not to laugh, but she's not doing a great job. "Nate, honey, why don't you go down by Grandma and Grandpa while I help Daddy clean up?"
I’m frozen, covered in runny shit. “What do I do?”
She grabs a burp cloth from a nearby basket and wraps it around my hand. "Hold that around you until you get to the bathroom to wash up. I'll take care of this."
“Are you sure?”
She chuckles. "Rye, I love that you're committed to being as hands-on as possible, but you're literally covered in crap. I've got this. She’s about due for a feeding anyway. We’ll meet you downstairs when I’m done.”
I nod. “Have I mentioned that you’re my favorite wife?”
Devyn smiles. “I’m your only wife.”
I lean over to kiss her cheek. “You’re still my favorite.”
She rolls her eyes. “Okay, smooth talker, move so I can get Emily cleaned up.”
I wink. “Yes, ma’am.”
I count my blessings as I nurse my beautiful daughter, thinking about how different bringing a newborn home is this time around. With Nate, I was so young and scared, and if I’m honest, clueless, but thankfully, I had my brother and best friend’s full support. As wonderful as it was having them though, it really doesn’t compare to sharing this experience with the love of my life.
I look up when there’s a gentle knock on the doorframe. “Hey, when did you get here?”
Rainey steps into the room and takes a seat on the ground next to my rocking chair. “Just now. We were taking the twins for a stroll and saw your car in the driveway. Riley said you were up here so I thought I'd come to say hello." She nods to Emily. "I'm having major de ja vu here."
I smile fondly at the memory. As an OB nurse, Rainey assumed the role of my personal lactation consultant and baby advisor when I first brought Nate home. She and I really bonded those first few months and have been best friends ever since.
“How are you feeling?”
Emily finishes feeding, so I prop her over my shoulder and start patting her back. “Tired and a little sore, but good overall.”
Rainey smiles. “I love that our daughters will be able to grow up together.”
“Me too,” I agree. “Plus they’ll have their new cousin. They’ll be babies everywhere.”
She laughs. “No kidding. There must be something in the water.” She stands up when she hears crying coming from downstairs. “Mommy duty calls.”
I stand as well and follow her out of the room. “C’mon, Emily, let’s go meet your new friends.”
Having twins is pure chaos every single day, but I wouldn't change it for the world. As panicked as I was when I found out we were having two girls, the moment I saw them, I fell in love. Being their dad has been the greatest thing I’ve ever done. Who would’ve thought I’d ever be so domesticated?
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m still essentially a big kid myself, but I think that’s what makes this fatherhood thing so fun. I’d spend all day every day playing with my beautiful ladies if I could. All my ladies, including my wife’s fantastic rack.
Speaking of...holy fuck, I knew Rainey’s tits would get bigger as she got pregnant, but I had no idea they’d be even more so as she started breastfeeding. I can’t stop touching them at every possible opportunity, even if I do get nailed in the eye every so often with milk. It’s not so bad though; getting jizz in your eyeball is much worse. Trust me.
Kennedy, our oldest by three minutes starts crying, shaking me out of my introspection. Like clockwork, her sister, Kaitlynn, follows suit.
“Why do you always have to do everything together?” I whine.
Riley laughs. “If they’re already ganging up on you at six months, imagine how bad they’ll be at sixteen.”
“Don’t remind me.” Based on the horrendous smell coming from them, I’m guessing they’re crying because they shit themselves. I grab the diaper bag and face Riley. “C’mon, dude, help me with this.”
He holds his hands up. “I’m gonna sit this one out. I literally just cleaned shit off my hands.”
“Ooh, Daddy, you said a bad word!” Nathan shouts. “Put a dollar in the jar!”
Riley smirks at his son. “I’m fresh out of cash, buddy. You’re going to have to put this one on my tab.”
Riley’s mom grabs Kaitlynn. “Come here, sweet girl. I’ll take care of you.”
I lay Kennedy on the changing mat and prepare to hold my breath. “Thanks, Mary.”
My hot as hell wife comes down the stairs. “What’s all the crying about?”
I convinced Rainey to marry me before the girls were born, much to my mother’s delight. Originally, Rainey wanted to wait until she gave birth, so she didn’t have to waddle down the aisle, but I somehow talked her into doing it anyway. We had a tiny ceremony on the beach by her parents’ house with family and close friends. Afterward, Rainey admitted that it was perfect and she couldn’t have been happier about how it all went down. There’s a slight possibility she was talking about my pussy eating skills considering that’s what I was doing at the time. Either way, I’d call the day a success.
I bag the shitty diaper. “What does it smell like?”
She wrinkles her nose. “Ugh, it’s even worse since they started eating solids.”
Devyn walks into the room behind my wife, carrying her new daughter. “Oh, just wait until they get big enough to take off their diapers and smear it all over the walls.”
My jaw drops. “What?!”
“Yep. Nate went through a phase where he did it at least once a week.”
Rainey looks green. “Not okay.”
Devyn laughs. “Rainey, you help deliver babies for a living. Heck, the first day we met, you were elbow deep up my hoo-hah. Bodily functions shouldn’t phase you.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” I hold my hand up. “Let’s get back to this elbows deep thing. More importantly, do you have video?”
My wife smacks me on the back of the head. “Shut up. I was her delivery nurse, remember?”
“I’m just sayin’...if there happens to be any evidence of said encounter, I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing it.”
“Dude,” Riley chides. “You do realize that’s my wife you’re talking about, right?”
I roll my eyes. “And mine. Doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be hot.”
Mary shakes her head at us, used to our antics by now. “You do realize you’re almost thirty, right?”
“Honey, you should know by now that doesn’t matter.” Riley’s dad, Bill, laughs. “Mary, I’m going to go put our bags in the car.”
I pull Kennedy into my arms and start doing the bouncy thing she loves so much. “You all wouldn’t know what to do with me if I were any different.”
Rainey takes Kaitlynn from Mary and starts rocking her back and forth. “It’s official. I am raising three children.”
I cup her neck with my free hand and smack a kiss on her lips. “I’ll remind you how grown up I can be later, baby.”
“And on that note,” Mary begins, “Bill and I are going to hit the road before traffic gets too bad.” She kisses Emily’s head. “I’ll see you soon, Princess.” She gives Nathan a big hug. “You be good to your little sister.”
“’Kay, Grandma,” Nate says.
Mary kisses Devyn on the cheek and repeats the gesture with Riley. “Let me know if you two need anything.”
Riley nods. “Thanks for staying with Nathan, Ma.”
She smiles. “Anytime, honey.”
My, my, how the tables have turned. Our group used to be overrun by testosterone, and within a matter of months, estrogen now rules the roost. Brody and I had our girls six months ago, Devyn and Riley just had Emily, and Charlee’s due to deliver her little lady any day now. Baby Summers will put our male-to-female ratio at 4-to-7.
As I watch my husband play peek-a-boo with our daughters, my heart warms from all the love I have for them. As hectic as life is with twins, I’m glad it worked out this way. Becoming a mom for the first time at thirty-five really cuts down on your child-bearing years. I know women have babies well into their forties these days, but I wouldn’t want that for myself. Brody and I may try for one more sometime next year, but if it doesn’t work out, we have two gorgeous daughters, and I'm perfectly fine with that.
“Get your sexy ass over here, Rainey,” my husband calls.
I join my family on the floor in the middle of our living room. Brody and I share a look as our daughters release the most adorable laughter deep from within their bellies. Seriously, is there anything cuter than a baby laughing?
I glance at the clock hanging on the wall. “We need to get them in the bath so they can go to bed on time.”
Brody flashes me a lascivious grin. “Can’t wait to get me naked, can you?”
I shake my head at his ridiculousness. “Always about s-e-x with you.”
He laughs. “It’s not my fault my wife is so hot.”
I lean over to kiss him. "Flattery will get you everywhere, Mr. Harris."
“Oh yeah? Have I mentioned how awesome you are at sucking my c-o-c-k? You should show off your epic skills after these two are asleep.”
My eyes roll back so far I'm surprised I don't tilt backward. "Not that kind of flattery. Nice try though.”
Brody pouts. “I suppose I’ll have to settle for reminding you how skilled I am with my mouth.”
“Hmm...” I say in mock contemplation. “I like where you’re going with this.”
He laughs. “Of course you do, honey. You’d let me eat your beautiful c-u-n-t all day long if we could get away with it.”
I nod to the twins. “You do realize we’re screwed when they learn how to spell, right? We’re going to have to come up with some creative alternatives for your filthy mouth.”
He leans over and kisses me. “You love my filthy mouth.”
“Meh, it’s okay.”
Brody raises an eyebrow. “Really? Do I need to bring out the lie detector?”
I start to get up when he wiggles his fingers threateningly, but he catches me and immediately starts tickling my ribs.
“Stop!” I laugh.
He nuzzles my neck. “Give in, Rainey. I can do this all night.”
I squirm, but it's no use against his big body. "Fine! I love it!"
He flashes a victorious smile. “And you can never get enough lovin’ from Thor. Say it.”
I bite my lip, trying not to laugh as he resumes his tickle torture. I don't make it past the two-second mark. The girls join in, thinking Daddy tickling Mommy is the funniest thing they’ve ever seen.
Brody winks at the twins. “Is Dada being silly?”
“Dada!” Kaitlynn shouts for the first time.
My husband immediately stills. “Did she just say what I think she said?”
I smile. “She did.”
Both girls have said momma and no, but that’s where their young vocabulary ends. Until now, that is.
Brody scoops Kaitlynn into his lap. “Did you just say my name, you brilliant little girl?”
She gives him a gummy grin. You can just see the beginnings of her two bottom teeth coming in. My husband is in absolute awe right now. He’s been trying to get them to say dada for over a month now. Say what you want about his maturity level, but at the end of the day, he’s an amazing father. That look on his face proves how much he adores them.
When he scoops Kennedy into his lap as well and starts bouncy them around, eliciting another round of giggles, I’m sure my expression matches his. I cannot possibly love anything more than the three people in front of me right now. I’m damn lucky to call them mine.
“I swear to Christ, Drew, if this baby doesn’t come out today, we’re changing her name to Enid or something equally awful.”
I've been having contractions all damn day, but they're still completely irregular. My OB said I shouldn’t go to the hospital until they’re five minutes apart or my water breaks, whichever comes first.
My husband laughs. “Honey, you’re only five days overdue. The doctor said she’ll induce you this weekend if our little bundle of joy doesn’t come naturally before then.”
I glare at him. “Little bundle of joy, my ass. More like a little bundle of get the fuck out of my body! This is all your fault. I’m never letting you touch me again, you jerk.”
Don’t look at me like that; I have every right to be cranky. This baby has rearranged most of my major organs, I have to pee every thirty seconds, and I’m carrying around an extra fifty pounds of weight. Plus, knowing my luck, with Drew’s ogre genes, this kid is going to obliterate my vagina. If I’m a little bitchy, deal with it.
Drew wraps his arms around me from behind and rubs my belly. “Aw, honey, you’re lying through your teeth right now. You love it when I touch you.” He starts nibbling my neck. “You know, I hear orgasms can trigger active labor. I’d be more than happy to help you out with that.”
I moan as his hands wander lower and slip under the waistband of my stretchy pants. God, this man, and his magic fingers can turn my mood around in two seconds flat. He’s right; I can never resist the D, even when I’m ridiculously pregnant.
I turn around and start unbuttoning his jeans. “Just shut up and fuck me.”
He laughs. “Always so impatient to hop on my dick.” Drew grabs my hand and starts leading me up the stairs. “C’mon, you’ll be a lot more comfortable in a bed.”
“I don’t think it’s possible to be comfortable right now,” I grumble as I follow him.
When we got married, I moved into Drew’s place since it was bigger and then put mine on the market. When we found out we were expecting a few months later, we decided to move to the suburbs. As much as we loved living in the heart of downtown Seattle, I wanted my children to have a yard to play in and Drew felt the same.
When the craftsman three doors down from Devyn and Riley’s went up for sale, there was no question whether or not we’d bid on it. Thankfully, we both had significant equity in our condos, so moving to Mercer Island was a possibility that it wouldn’t have been otherwise. The house was a bit of a fixer-upper, but as it turns out, my husband is rather handy—and fuckhot—with a tool belt. We may or may not have engaged in some construction worker role play a time or ten.
We both lose our clothing as fast as possible and Drew lies back on the bed. “Get over here and ride my face, honey.”
He doesn’t need to tell me twice. Drew’s tongue is like a siren to my lady bits. My cock socket turns into a slobbering Pavlovian dog at the mere thought of some mouth-to-pussy action.
I scoot up the bed until I’m straddling his head. With my giant belly, I can’t see his pretty face, but to be frank, I give zero fucks about that right now. When Drew’s big hands latch onto my hips and pull me down, all I care about is getting to the finish line.
I ride his face with reckless abandon, one porny moan after another until I'm practically smothering him. Drew gives me a little slap on the ass when I'm done, prompting me to assume the position. One thing I've learned during pregnancy is that as your stomach gets bigger, your options for sexual positions gets smaller. It’s a great thing I love taking it from behind because that’s on the safe list.
Drew groans when he slides his giant cock into me, his hands holding on firmly to my enlarged ass. “Fuck, honey, you feel so good.”
“Less talking, more fucking.”
He chuckles as he picks up speed. “So bossy.”
I enthusiastically slam back into him and scream when he hits the perfect spot. “I’ll show you motherfucking bossy if your dick can’t trigger labor.”
“Haven’t you learned by now? My dick can work miracles.”
“What did I say about talking?” I pant. “This isn’t the time to stroke your ego! We have a goal to achieve here!”
Drew laughs again, pulling me into him even harder now. “There’s always a goal to achieve when my dick is inside of you. It’s called coming.”
“This isn’t the time to be a smartass!” I snap.
He smacks me on the ass really hard, causing me equal parts shock and pleasure. “Aw, baby, you love our mid-coital disagreements.”
He’s right; I do. But I’m sure as hell not going to admit it.
“Drew, shut up and focus!” I shout. He changes the angle slightly, causing tingles to shoot down my spine. “Oh, fuck...right there...just like that!”
I’m right on the precipice. Both of Drew's hands are occupied, so I reach down and give my bean a few flicks. That’s all it takes until every muscle in my body is tense from the euphoria of the best orgasm known to man. As the spasms start to wane, I look down between my spread legs and see a huge wet spot on the sheets.
Oh, shit, did I pee?
I look closer and don't see a yellowish tint, but you never know because I pee so often, I'm practically pissing water every time. I give the air a little sniff and come up with nothing but sweat and sex.
Drew picks up the pace again once I stop clenching around him. “Fuck, Charlee, you’re so goddamn wet.”
“I think I peed,” I admit.
He freezes mid-thrust. “What?”
I nod to the wet spot. “I think your dick made me piss the bed! Look!”
He leans back to assess the situation. I see his eyebrows scrunching together over my shoulder.
“Uh, honey, I don’t think that’s pee. It’s still dribbling out a little bit.” He swipes his finger over my inner thigh.
“Oh shit,” I say, realization setting in, right as a sharp cramp hits me. “Drew, you did it! My water just broke! Your dick is a miracle worker!”
He smiles at my praise. "That's good, right? As soon as we're finished, we can head to the hospital.”
I break our connection as fast as my round body will allow. “What do you mean, ‘as soon as we’re finished’? We’re finished now!”
Drew nods to his very erect dick. “But...I haven’t come yet. I’ll be quick, I swear.”
I jump off the bed when he reaches for me and immediately start throwing some clothes on. “Oh hell, no. Your monster cock is not getting anywhere near my vagina!”
His face falls. “What? Why?”
I gesture to said monster cock. “Because the baby is coming! What if she’s locked and loaded? I will not risk having that thing give her brain damage just because you want to get off!”
“You’re being ridiculous,” he scoffs. “I’m big, but I’m not that big.”
“No way, no how, Drew. Now, get over it, get dressed, and let’s go.”
I hold my hand up. “I said no, goddammit.”
“Surely we have time for a quick jerk off sesh. You don’t need to do anything. Just stand there and show me your tits.”
I slide my foot under his jeans and flick them toward him. “Put some clothes on, asshole.” I bend over when my belly tightens, and a sharp pain robs me of breath.
“This kid is already cockblocking me,” he mutters as he pulls his boxers on. When he notices my discomfort, he immediately stops bitching and starts rubbing my back. “You okay?”
I breathe through the pain. “Contractions suck.”
Drew throws his shirt on and grabs the hospital bag from the corner of our room. “C’mon, honey. Let’s get to the hospital so we can meet our little girl.”
It’s official. I’m a father.
I can't stop staring at my beautiful baby girl as I hold her in my arms, while my wife is getting some much-needed rest. It's probably too early to know definitively, but she has a strong resemblance to her mother which means I'm fucked. The next eighteen years are going to be hell if I have to continually scare away horny boys.
Charlee was an absolute champ throughout her labor. Granted, some pretty colorful expletives flew out of her mouth, and she may have made several nurses think about quitting their jobs, but once she got an epidural, all threats of an Exorcist remake were off the table.
Isabella Sofia Summers came into this world at eleven-ten in the evening, changing my life forever. I thought Charlee was going to maim me when they weighed and measured her. Our baby girl is a whopping nine pounds, ten ounces, and twenty-two-and-a-half inches long. Clearly, she got some of her daddy’s traits. Charlee has the stitches to prove it.
I stroke Isabella’s soft, dark hair. “You may be a cockblocker, but you sure are a pretty one.”
I fight back tears as she wraps her tiny wrinkled fist around my pinky and squeezes. I gaze fondly at my sleeping wife, and back to my daughter. I don’t know what I did to get so lucky, but these two ladies will never doubt how much I love them or how I’ll do anything to keep them safe. They're my everything, and I will never take that for granted.
Welp, with that said, I guess that about wraps up your little voyeuristic trip into my world. We’ve had some laughs, some tears, and a shit ton of orgasms along the way. (Don’t pretend you weren’t horny when I was banging my wife and did something about it afterward.) It’s time for us to say adiós and move on to the next chapter in our lives. Hugs and kisses and all that shit.
Drew Summers, over and out.
Why are you still here? We’ve been through this; life is short. Go spend time with your little cockblockers, or significant other, or hell, have a good ol’ time jackin’ the beanstalk or polishing your pearl.
Since you insist on hanging around, how about one more life lesson before you leave? I recently read a study from Harvard Medical School. According to them, regular wanking is a crucial way to ward off cancer if you’re a guy. It can also relieve stress, boost your mood, and help you sleep, no matter your gender. In a nutshell, it’s been clinically proven that masturbation is good for your health.
There you have it. Now, quit reading this and go rub one out for science.